The Work of Insecurities

“The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”

— Marcus Aurelius

I can get very preachy. I have my thoughts and beliefs, and like most people I think that I am right. When my beliefs or thoughts are challenged I tend to ruminate and fixate, having false arguments in my head that go on and on long past when I left whoever I was with. Long past when it was healthy (which would be ending the conversation when the conversation literally ceased to exist in 3D reality). All of this energy that I am putting into fake scenarios and talking points is wasted due to my ego. My fear or insecurity that was triggered does not have to do directly with whatever topic at hand that I happened to spin out on. It is about the underlying feelings and emotions that were stirred due to that interaction.

So I am left wondering, do I cease to interact with people who have differing opinions to me in order to avoid this pain and turmoil? Of course not, that is simply ridiculous, and even if ideal, next to impossible in our society. Unless you are able to live in a well-defined and closed box, inevitably you will run into someone who has a differing opinion than you, or more importantly, triggers your demons. And they’ll start eating away at you.

But we need this contrast. We need this opportunity to sharpen our edges, to examine our weaknesses and see where we have left to grow. I felt insecure this weekend when my ego felt my knowledge base as an authority figure was being challenged. This fed on my insecurities of feeling inadequate, and my imposter syndrome. We all get it from time to time, whether it’s your first day at work or your 10,000, inferiority will rear its ugly head and tell you that you aren’t good enough, you don’t know enough, no one is going to listen to you and believe what you say.

In my field, there is a huge opportunity for this. I am young, I do have less training and less information than a colleague who has been in the field for twenty years. And in the mental health field, as well as most areas of life, knowledge is always growing, changing, and developing. Paradigms shift. The default way to view and treat one condition may be passé ten years later as the research has developed. 

Mental health has hundreds of theories to choose from and hundreds of modalities and techniques on top of that to get training in. Clearly we don’t each know and have experience in every plausible concept in the world of counseling. However, that does not make each and every counselor incapable of doing great work. I know what I know and I know how I can best serve my clients, and I am able to see where my limitations are and refer clients to someone else when they arise. I can refer them to someone who chose one of the hundred other theories that better aligns with that persons thoughts and beliefs and will help them do great work together to reach that clients goals. Most modalities will work. Research has found the single biggest factor in successful therapy lies in the therapeutic reliance, how well you get along and can build a relationship between counselor and client. Then a small amount is dependent upon the theory used, which is why you do want to find a therapist that you can agree on some fundamental world views, demonstrated through their choice in therapeutic approach. Beyond that, it’s all interpersonal dynamics.

All this to say, I don’t know everything. And how could I. It would be absurd for anyone to believe I am an expert at everything in my field. But I am an expert. And I do know more about mental health than the average joe walking on the street. I know how to sit with someone in the hard times and help them feel heard and understood. The combination of these factors leaves me to be a competent therapist who can help many people, regardless of my years in the field and advanced trainings. I have to own this and accept this to keep the demons at bay. I have to love and accept myself where I am at, and keep working on the sticky places that come up in my life. The places that leave me reeling and needing to write an impromptu blog post just to validate my own experience. And this isn’t even the topic I wanted to write about!

The quote at the top of this post also relates to how and why my insecurities were triggered. When someone has viewpoints and ideas outside of the norm it can be painful. More and more you will be met with ridicule and questioning, rather than support and belief. And that is a challenging place to be. But we have to again, believe in ourselves, and stand by our knowing. We all know the truth, our truth, even if it doesn’t align with the dominant paradigm. When someone is challenging your belief structure, it feels like they are cutting you down to your core and telling you your whole life is wrong. Or is that just me? And again, without a majority ally base to boost you up and remind you how you got to these conclusions, you may be filled with self-doubt.

But remember the dreamers. Society never moved forward without a dream. Without people who listened and saw things differently than the rest of the world, and were willing to risk ridicule for the betterment of society. Be that rebel. Be that dreamer, that one voice standing alone against the masses and sing your truth far and wide. Be bold, be brave, be unique and an individual. It is Aquarius season and yesterday was a new moon in Aquarius to boot. I will leave a link below to more details on how that supports this message, to inspire you on to your new tomorrow.

https://chaninicholas.com/a-note-on-the-new-moon-in-aquarius-january-24-2020/

Drop the Baggage

For this full moon in Aries I heard a lot about dumping your baggage. Letting go of the past, “you can’t take it with you,” into this new future. That hit me hard. I am the sentimental type. The emotional hoarder, hard to let go, will cling to people or things years past their expiration date in my present life. I am struggling with this right now! Learning to let the past be in the past and knowing I can’t have it with me and live fully with all the gifts of future possibilities. 

Today I’m making a rather odd post, and it might come off choppy and random. Part of my “baggage” is old website copy. As someone who is currently growing and developing, in a constant change state to identify what most represents me and shedding what doesn’t, I have updated my website a lot. As in at least three total overhauls and countless iterations of how things are formatted, located, and written. In that process I’ve cut out loads of words. Words that hold meaning to me. That represent who I am and express the work I want to be doing. So in support of this process, to release the old, while valuing it’s gifts, I am putting all the things left unsaid from my website here. All the messages I want my readers to know, and more information than they may have wanted through browsing my site. Here goes!

Do you ever wonder who am I? Where is the joy in my life? What is the point in life, what is my purpose? It is time to reconnect to yourself and start living. Today we are more active and busy than ever, yet we have no time to just be. We lose touch with ourselves, our emotions, our deepest, most natural needs. Through this separation from self we grow despondent, depressed, and isolated. There is hope, you can regain your happiness and learn how to take care of yourself. We can begin to open up, share our emotions, and learn how to cope with negative feelings. Everything you need already exists inside of you ready to be discovered.

A lot of sadness comes from a lack of feelings, rather than being unable to control our feelings. In order to gain control, we must first recognize and allow our emotions to have their place. In my work my primary audience is teenagers, adults at a transition point, and women. I am most experienced with depression and suicidal ideation or existential crisis. My passion as a counselor is helping my clients access their emotions so they can process, express, and move forward in life. Our feelings are our greatest ally, they are one of our superpowers! Feelings are meant to be felt, not avoided.

Therapy is a collaborative process and no one knows you better than yourself. I can offer my pearls of wisdom and analysis, but at the end of the day the answers to all your problems lie within. We all have the answers we need inside, sometimes we just need some support and help navigating those waters. Now is the time to turn things around. It’s never too late, or too early, to get your life on track. To find a deeper meaning and purpose in your life. Listen to your heart’s calling and find your true passion. Together we can unearth your truth, passion and freedom from the symptoms that are currently holding you back.

I believe in fate and destiny and the universe bringing us all together. If you’re reading this, then life has brought us together. Most likely you are struggling in some way or know that your life could be better. Maybe you’re searching for meaning, wanting to make a change or adapting to a big change you just made. Perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed, burned out and exhausted running the rat race we call life. Let me help you learn to slow down, love yourself and discover the dream life you’re so excited to start.

I was called into the mental health counseling field when I was young and my path has led me right here. I love astrology, coffee, and snuggling with my cat. The ocean is my happy place and I need regular check-ins with nature to reset. I’m an introverted homebody and I practice meditation daily. With unconditional positive regard and authentic presence we will discover what motivates you and brings you joy. 

Clients will be most successful with me when:

You are willing and ready to change

Excited to dive deep into the beliefs and feelings that are holding you back without fear

Want to analyze your thought patterns and release what is no longer serving you

Prepared to follow a clear path to accomplish your goals

Have a desire for healing in a supportive, helping atmosphere

Well there you have it! Here is my word baggage that I am going to leave behind, in this post, without regret. I won’t long or mourn for it, wondering if someday I can fit it back on my site. I won’t feel guilty I spent time and energy writing each word or wishing I could share it. I have shared it. I’ve put it out into the ethers and that is where it shall stay. Not weighing me down or getting between me and the next brilliant thing I’d like to write. Only forward now, time to welcome the new and step into the future. We’ve harvested, we’ve released, and now we’re ready for the deep work. Change is coming! Allow the remainder of this full moon energy to support you in leaving the past in the past and preparing for the future.