The Work of Insecurities
“The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”
I can get very preachy. I have my thoughts and beliefs, and like most people I think that I am right. When my beliefs or thoughts are challenged I tend to ruminate and fixate, having false arguments in my head that go on and on long past when I left whoever I was with. Long past when it was healthy (which would be ending the conversation when the conversation literally ceased to exist in 3D reality). All of this energy that I am putting into fake scenarios and talking points is wasted due to my ego. My fear or insecurity that was triggered does not have to do directly with whatever topic at hand that I happened to spin out on. It is about the underlying feelings and emotions that were stirred due to that interaction.
So I am left wondering, do I cease to interact with people who have differing opinions to me in order to avoid this pain and turmoil? Of course not, that is simply ridiculous, and even if ideal, next to impossible in our society. Unless you are able to live in a well-defined and closed box, inevitably you will run into someone who has a differing opinion than you, or more importantly, triggers your demons. And they’ll start eating away at you.
But we need this contrast. We need this opportunity to sharpen our edges, to examine our weaknesses and see where we have left to grow. I felt insecure this weekend when my ego felt my knowledge base as an authority figure was being challenged. This fed on my insecurities of feeling inadequate, and my imposter syndrome. We all get it from time to time, whether it’s your first day at work or your 10,000, inferiority will rear its ugly head and tell you that you aren’t good enough, you don’t know enough, no one is going to listen to you and believe what you say.
In my field, there is a huge opportunity for this. I am young, I do have less training and less information than a colleague who has been in the field for twenty years. And in the mental health field, as well as most areas of life, knowledge is always growing, changing, and developing. Paradigms shift. The default way to view and treat one condition may be passé ten years later as the research has developed.
Mental health has hundreds of theories to choose from and hundreds of modalities and techniques on top of that to get training in. Clearly we don’t each know and have experience in every plausible concept in the world of counseling. However, that does not make each and every counselor incapable of doing great work. I know what I know and I know how I can best serve my clients, and I am able to see where my limitations are and refer clients to someone else when they arise. I can refer them to someone who chose one of the hundred other theories that better aligns with that persons thoughts and beliefs and will help them do great work together to reach that clients goals. Most modalities will work. Research has found the single biggest factor in successful therapy lies in the therapeutic reliance, how well you get along and can build a relationship between counselor and client. Then a small amount is dependent upon the theory used, which is why you do want to find a therapist that you can agree on some fundamental world views, demonstrated through their choice in therapeutic approach. Beyond that, it’s all interpersonal dynamics.
All this to say, I don’t know everything. And how could I. It would be absurd for anyone to believe I am an expert at everything in my field. But I am an expert. And I do know more about mental health than the average joe walking on the street. I know how to sit with someone in the hard times and help them feel heard and understood. The combination of these factors leaves me to be a competent therapist who can help many people, regardless of my years in the field and advanced trainings. I have to own this and accept this to keep the demons at bay. I have to love and accept myself where I am at, and keep working on the sticky places that come up in my life. The places that leave me reeling and needing to write an impromptu blog post just to validate my own experience. And this isn’t even the topic I wanted to write about!
The quote at the top of this post also relates to how and why my insecurities were triggered. When someone has viewpoints and ideas outside of the norm it can be painful. More and more you will be met with ridicule and questioning, rather than support and belief. And that is a challenging place to be. But we have to again, believe in ourselves, and stand by our knowing. We all know the truth, our truth, even if it doesn’t align with the dominant paradigm. When someone is challenging your belief structure, it feels like they are cutting you down to your core and telling you your whole life is wrong. Or is that just me? And again, without a majority ally base to boost you up and remind you how you got to these conclusions, you may be filled with self-doubt.
But remember the dreamers. Society never moved forward without a dream. Without people who listened and saw things differently than the rest of the world, and were willing to risk ridicule for the betterment of society. Be that rebel. Be that dreamer, that one voice standing alone against the masses and sing your truth far and wide. Be bold, be brave, be unique and an individual. It is Aquarius season and yesterday was a new moon in Aquarius to boot. I will leave a link below to more details on how that supports this message, to inspire you on to your new tomorrow.
https://chaninicholas.com/a-note-on-the-new-moon-in-aquarius-january-24-2020/
Witness-Katy Perry
In honor of the New Moon in Scorpio during Scorpio season I want to pay homage to a triple Scorpio queen. Katy Perry has her Sun, Moon, Rising, Mercury, Saturn and Pluto all in Scorpio. Let’s just say she’s an incredibly dynamic Scorpionic soul. As I study Astrology and deepen my knowledge I like to listen to specific artists during their solar return season. Since it is Scorpio season I’ve been visiting Katy Perry, Lorde and SZA just to name a few female artists with their sun in Scorpio.
While listening to Katy’s album “Witness” I was inspired by this title track. I feel like the song embodies what a client may be looking for when they enter into counseling. Let me break down some lyrics for you to make my point.
If I lost it all today, would you stay?
Could my love be enough to stimulate?
If shit hit the fan, grenades got thrown
Would you still show, oh?
Could you go down with me to the mat?
Could we get back up and eventually laugh?
Roll eyes at highs, cheers in the lows, and stay in the flow, oh
This is the first verse of the song and I feel like it represents how a client may feel in intimate relationships that causes them to enter therapy, as well as what they may be looking for from a counseling relationship. If “shit hit the fan” in your relationship and your partner just dipped you may be at a loss, heartbroken and looking for support.
This is also a challenging dynamic in building a trusting therapeutic relationship. Sometimes clients will wonder and worry if their therapist will still be there, if they can be a reliable and dependent relationship that will “show up” even after self-disclosure. You may wonder “if I reveal myself, will if be too much? If they really knew me they wouldn’t like me. My therapist will judge me if I’m completely honest.” Trust me, we are there through thick and thin. This is our job, to support you and accept you exactly as you are and where you are in this phase of life. Therapists sometimes feel this way too. If a client has revealed something deep they are less likely to return the next session. We are also wondering if you can go down to the depths with us and still come back next week “and eventually laugh.”
We're all just looking for connection
Yeah, we all want to be seen
I'm looking for someone who speaks my language
Someone to ride this ride with me
Can I get a witness? (Witness)
Will you be my witness? (Witness)
I'm just looking for a witness in all of this
Looking for a witness to get me through this
This chorus is so poignant. I don’t think I need to break this down at all, just read it. Who is not feeling this way today? Who isn’t looking for connection and to be seen for who you truly are? We are all trying to connect again and have someone to be there with us through the ups and downs. A therapist is so perfectly a witness to your life. We see you, we’ll help you through this, and we’re along for the ride. If you find the right match hopefully you will find “someone who speaks my language,” and it will feel like a natural fit.
A therapist is not a friend, we are a witness. We see the events of your life and we provide evidence, sound proof of your humanity. An unbiased objector to put you on course when the negative self-talk is too big and you’ve run away with some crazy story of how you don’t deserve to be loved. We’ll give you the grounded evidence to counter your fears and negativity. We’ll give you those “cheers in the lows” no doubt, even when no once else can and you can’t see a shred of light in the tunnel.
Well there you have my breakdown of Katy Perry. Go ahead and give it a listen. Find a few more Scorpio artists and observe them during this next month. What do you relate to, being that you’re experiencing these energies at this time as well? Where does their natural Scorpio appear?