Self-love and Vulnerability

Self-love and vulnerability are your cheat codes. Much like what I shared on attention, people who were raised to believe in themselves, and that their words had value are winning the game. I am envious of those people. People who find it easy to be confident and don’t second guess putting themselves out into the world. They were taught that expressing yourself would receive positive praise and attention.

Now, not all of us had this experience. But that is okay! The good news is we can learn to love ourselves and learn how to express ourselves to others.

Self-love. How do we learn to give love to ourselves? Let’s start with your thoughts. Are they positive or negative? Do you have a constant feedback loop of criticisms for your behaviors? We start with becoming aware of our commentary. Then, if there is some negativity we begin stopping those thoughts as they come up. Notice you’re being critical or judgmental and just cut yourself off right then and there. Once this is a habit we can begin replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. We’ve all heard about gratitude lists and how important it is to notice what is going well everyday. Well, it is really important. You can start cultivating positivity by listing three good things that happened at the end of each day. No matter how small or mundane, being able to pick out a “positive” (I still have a job, I had coffee, the world isn’t on fire for once), will help shift the way you view the world.

An intermediate step is “fact checking.” Maybe you don’t quite believe you’re good at something yet, but if you can factually check did I “fail/mess up/cause harm” and the objective truth is no, then you can at least remind yourself of the facts of a situation. It is also helpful to acknowledge what was actually said to you if this involves another person. Review the exact words they said and compare them to what you are telling yourself they said. As you become comfortable removing the emotionally charged, personal responses to situations and begin seeing them simply for the objective truths that they are, you can remove the negative narrative of yourself you’ve attached to them.

So once we’ve become aware of our default thoughts, and we’ve begun learning how to see positives in our day, we can apply it more specifically to ourselves. Where are you actually doing well? What have you actually accomplished? Spoiler alert, just waking up this morning is an accomplishment. And maybe listening to your body and staying in bed all day is an accomplishment for someone who struggles to take care of themselves. We think an “accomplishment” has to be some huge achievement, instagram worthy, brag that would put others to shame. With that mentality no wonder we are all so hard on ourselves and never give praise. In reality, everything you have ever done is an accomplishment. Look around you. This entire life you created was out of your hands, your mind, your design. You’ve created an entire universe. Everything you lay your eyes on exists because of you. That’s some power in my opinion. Begin to view the world you live in as the world of your creation, your are the creator, and praise all of your work.

Now what do we do with this creation? We share it with others. That takes vulnerability. The willingness to be open and expose ourselves to others. Self-love is the first step because without self-love there is no way you’re going to feel strong enough to be open to others. We have to be open and vulnerable with ourselves, see every side of ourselves, the dark emotions to the highest highs and accept everything that we see. Once we truly love and accept ourselves, it won’t matter as much what other people think or say. If we don’t hang our self-worth on external validation from others, then we won’t be afraid to put ourselves out there. We will share from an internal desire to put something out into the world, rather than a place of trying to please others or conversely holding back out of fear of others. We should not think about others at all when we are creating! Creation is for the creator. It comes out of love and joy of one’s own experience. It is a life force that cannot be denied and in order to fulfill our own life purpose we have to create. And as long as you stay focused on yourself, your self-love, and the passion of your creation, there is no room for fear. Fear of being seen comes from thinking about the eyes of another. Stay in your eyes, look through your world view, and appreciate your accomplishments.

Drop the Baggage

For this full moon in Aries I heard a lot about dumping your baggage. Letting go of the past, “you can’t take it with you,” into this new future. That hit me hard. I am the sentimental type. The emotional hoarder, hard to let go, will cling to people or things years past their expiration date in my present life. I am struggling with this right now! Learning to let the past be in the past and knowing I can’t have it with me and live fully with all the gifts of future possibilities. 

Today I’m making a rather odd post, and it might come off choppy and random. Part of my “baggage” is old website copy. As someone who is currently growing and developing, in a constant change state to identify what most represents me and shedding what doesn’t, I have updated my website a lot. As in at least three total overhauls and countless iterations of how things are formatted, located, and written. In that process I’ve cut out loads of words. Words that hold meaning to me. That represent who I am and express the work I want to be doing. So in support of this process, to release the old, while valuing it’s gifts, I am putting all the things left unsaid from my website here. All the messages I want my readers to know, and more information than they may have wanted through browsing my site. Here goes!

Do you ever wonder who am I? Where is the joy in my life? What is the point in life, what is my purpose? It is time to reconnect to yourself and start living. Today we are more active and busy than ever, yet we have no time to just be. We lose touch with ourselves, our emotions, our deepest, most natural needs. Through this separation from self we grow despondent, depressed, and isolated. There is hope, you can regain your happiness and learn how to take care of yourself. We can begin to open up, share our emotions, and learn how to cope with negative feelings. Everything you need already exists inside of you ready to be discovered.

A lot of sadness comes from a lack of feelings, rather than being unable to control our feelings. In order to gain control, we must first recognize and allow our emotions to have their place. In my work my primary audience is teenagers, adults at a transition point, and women. I am most experienced with depression and suicidal ideation or existential crisis. My passion as a counselor is helping my clients access their emotions so they can process, express, and move forward in life. Our feelings are our greatest ally, they are one of our superpowers! Feelings are meant to be felt, not avoided.

Therapy is a collaborative process and no one knows you better than yourself. I can offer my pearls of wisdom and analysis, but at the end of the day the answers to all your problems lie within. We all have the answers we need inside, sometimes we just need some support and help navigating those waters. Now is the time to turn things around. It’s never too late, or too early, to get your life on track. To find a deeper meaning and purpose in your life. Listen to your heart’s calling and find your true passion. Together we can unearth your truth, passion and freedom from the symptoms that are currently holding you back.

I believe in fate and destiny and the universe bringing us all together. If you’re reading this, then life has brought us together. Most likely you are struggling in some way or know that your life could be better. Maybe you’re searching for meaning, wanting to make a change or adapting to a big change you just made. Perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed, burned out and exhausted running the rat race we call life. Let me help you learn to slow down, love yourself and discover the dream life you’re so excited to start.

I was called into the mental health counseling field when I was young and my path has led me right here. I love astrology, coffee, and snuggling with my cat. The ocean is my happy place and I need regular check-ins with nature to reset. I’m an introverted homebody and I practice meditation daily. With unconditional positive regard and authentic presence we will discover what motivates you and brings you joy. 

Clients will be most successful with me when:

You are willing and ready to change

Excited to dive deep into the beliefs and feelings that are holding you back without fear

Want to analyze your thought patterns and release what is no longer serving you

Prepared to follow a clear path to accomplish your goals

Have a desire for healing in a supportive, helping atmosphere

Well there you have it! Here is my word baggage that I am going to leave behind, in this post, without regret. I won’t long or mourn for it, wondering if someday I can fit it back on my site. I won’t feel guilty I spent time and energy writing each word or wishing I could share it. I have shared it. I’ve put it out into the ethers and that is where it shall stay. Not weighing me down or getting between me and the next brilliant thing I’d like to write. Only forward now, time to welcome the new and step into the future. We’ve harvested, we’ve released, and now we’re ready for the deep work. Change is coming! Allow the remainder of this full moon energy to support you in leaving the past in the past and preparing for the future.